A Little Honesty

Here's a little honesty.

 I feel like I am treading in old waters again.  Once again I find myself very under employed.  My latest business venture is not going as well as I hoped.   My pattern has been to spend money to launch a business idea, work really hard at getting it to work, and then when the experiment doesn't bear fruit switch tactics.

This generally means spending more money on a new idea.  I have been cycling this pattern for 3 year now.  I am on my third iteration of a business idea, each time investing what little money I have into the idea.  I am now cycling into a fourth business idea.  This is an online concept which is focused on assisting the 60+ age group reenter the work force.  This is my first business venture that is actually built around 'helping' someone else.  

But, I don't have the income to continue to pay for the training and technological part of getting this off the ground.  I am still heavily involved in my previous business venture which is time consuming and only paying about $900 a month.  My wife is covering almost all the bills now.  Especially our mortgage.

I am afraid I will dwindle away what little money I have left. A little honesty.   I am near 50 years old with zero that's $0.00 in savings.  Neither me, nor my wife have anything put away and I am scared.  Very scared.

I am beginning to think I am on my last hope.  If this new venture does not pan out I may be living on the streets. Although my wife says that will never happen.

You see up until 2010 I was the making good money.  At least relative to my living habits.  But, one day I just couldn't take the corporate rat race I was running.  I talked with my wife and she supported my decision to leave my position.

I wonder if this was a good idea.  My wife says it was.  She says I am much funnier and happier than before.  But funny and happy don't pay the bills.

I found it very difficult to get re-employed.  I tried my hand at art, I really enjoyed it but quickly found this was not going to pay the bills.  I then got a part - time job at a fold -n- wash laundry service.  That was an eye opener.

Then in 2011 I think I hit a midlife crisis.  I started blowing through my retirement.  I bought a sailboat thinking I was going to be a party boat captain.  Never mind I live in central Texas where the drought has all but dried up any lake that I would have worked.  Not to mention I really don't like being on the water.  Next to it yes, but on it in a boat, no.  God smiled on me and a freak wind stormed destroyed the boat.  I triple what the boat was purchased for.

I then spent 2012 and $35,000 launching a food trailer business.  This lasted one year.  I was able to sell the trailer for $7,000.  That's a net loss of $28,000.  The loss was probably much greater.

This led me into my next adventure in 2013 where I decided to go into the restaurant management scene with a couple of food trailer guys I met.  This has been rocky at best.  We are up to our eyeball is tax debt, can't pay the rent on the restaurant, and I am not sure if we are going to be able to cover payroll for our 10 employees next week.

I think I need help.  Not as in, "please send me money'' but as in emotional and spiritual help.  I can't seem to get my ship heading in the write direction.  Do you ever feel like you're just circling round and round?  I think that's where I am right now.

I've been out of the work force now for 3 years.  The longer I am out the harder I think it will be to reenter.  Plus I have the entrepreneur bug and can't imagine working for someone else.  But I think I am going to have to rethink that in the very near future.  Again I am scared. Really.

I am spending about $100 a month on a training class to launch a business online.  I believe the course to be good information and the teacher to be valid and true.  I have also found I really enjoy writing.  Which this would allow me to write and make a living.  I just don't know how much longer I can output $100 a month to continue the training.  That's the rub.

Well, thanks for reading! I'd love to get your feed back on what I have written above.  Am I an idiot for trying all these things? Am I irresponsible? I think I am one of the most responsible people around.  Especially when I sit, meet and talk with other business owners.

Well, thanks for reading...... that was a little honesty from me to you.
I look forward to hearing from you!

Tony.

Witch Craft, VooDoo and Smoking

Witch Craft, VooDoo, and Smoking

Creating a habit can take as little as 30 days. Breaking a habit can take a life time. But sometimes we don't have a life time.  So lets get this one on the table.  Smoking.  Yep, its the big one.  Now, if you never smoked then this post may not resonate with you. But please feel free to follow along.

I learned to smoke as a task driven habit.  During college I took classes that were made up of doing a task with a class mate then analyzing the results.  My project-mate was a smoker.  I was not.  At the end of each assigned task we would step outside so my class mate could smoke a cigarette.  It was a reward system for him.  He would offer I would decline.  One day he offered and I gave it try.  After short time my class mate suggested I start buying my own cigarettes. I was hooked.  Addicted.

The chemical in tobacco, nicotine, is more addicting than heroine.  Really! Look it up if you don't believe me.  It is faster acting, hits harder, the effects are short lived (making you want more sooner) and the psychological and physical addiction is devastating.  If you smoke you know when you want, when you NEED a cigarette.  You smoke when you drink, when you talk on the phone, after you eat, before you eat, after a movie, or any event of a length of time.  You get so addicted you panic when you run out.  You arrange your day and your finances so you are in constant possession of your cigarettes.

I smoked for well over two decades. I was addicted. Hooked.  I smoked exactly a pack every 24 hours. I smoked the some of the most potent and strong cigarettes on the market.  I coughed and I wheezed but I kept smoking.  Addiction blinds you to the truth.  All addiction does. It alters reality.  I can't count the times I was told I smelled of smoke, people didn't want to be in the same room with me.  I wore suits and the material held in the odor.  My closet stunk of the odor.  But I was blind to it.  I was addicted.

I wanted to quit.  But there was always a reason for not quitting. I tried cold turkey, the slow method, the weaning method but it never worked.  As soon as a stress level or a good wine, or a good dinner came my way I was smoking again. My mind was not right for quitting.  The key to getting the mind right is in the word 'quitting.'  A smoker will always use the word 'give up.'  I want to give up smoking.  It's so hard to give up the habit.  Those two words are what locks your addiction.  You are convinced that you are giving something up.  And you know the the pain, both physical and mental that comes along with giving up smoking.  That's the first thing I had to get my head wrapped around was the concept that I was NOT GIVING UP anything.  Because you can only give up what you have gained.  THERE IS NO GAIN IN SMOKING.  What am I gaining?  A hacking cough, a persistent wheeze in my breathing, bad breath, foul smelling clothes? These are not gains so I am not giving up.  I am quitting.

Period. Quitting smoking. Convince yourself of that one very important aspect and you have begun to reverse the mental programming of the addiction.  There was no witch craft or Voodoo in my quitting but there was an unorthodox method.  First I read a book titles, "Quitting, the Easy Way." It's by a British author and it's powerful. Second, I went to a hypnotherapist who reinforced the ideas of the book.  I can hear what your saying now! A mind quack? A brain probe! No,way.  I was skeptical too.
Very skeptical.  But there is a point in a smokers path where it's time to try the unorthodox.  I did over  three years ago and I have no urge, no desire, and little memory of smoking.  Honestly, I cannot remember the triggers to my smoking.  Once in the past three years have I even thought about smoking.  And I have had some of the greatest stresses in my life in the past three years.  These types of stresses would have had me smoking in a second.  But not today.  "Quitting the Easy Way" and a little mind sweep worked for me.  It may be worth a try for you too.

Happy (soon to be) Valentines Day.  To all the lovely ladies.