A Little Honesty

Here's a little honesty.

 I feel like I am treading in old waters again.  Once again I find myself very under employed.  My latest business venture is not going as well as I hoped.   My pattern has been to spend money to launch a business idea, work really hard at getting it to work, and then when the experiment doesn't bear fruit switch tactics.

This generally means spending more money on a new idea.  I have been cycling this pattern for 3 year now.  I am on my third iteration of a business idea, each time investing what little money I have into the idea.  I am now cycling into a fourth business idea.  This is an online concept which is focused on assisting the 60+ age group reenter the work force.  This is my first business venture that is actually built around 'helping' someone else.  

But, I don't have the income to continue to pay for the training and technological part of getting this off the ground.  I am still heavily involved in my previous business venture which is time consuming and only paying about $900 a month.  My wife is covering almost all the bills now.  Especially our mortgage.

I am afraid I will dwindle away what little money I have left. A little honesty.   I am near 50 years old with zero that's $0.00 in savings.  Neither me, nor my wife have anything put away and I am scared.  Very scared.

I am beginning to think I am on my last hope.  If this new venture does not pan out I may be living on the streets. Although my wife says that will never happen.

You see up until 2010 I was the making good money.  At least relative to my living habits.  But, one day I just couldn't take the corporate rat race I was running.  I talked with my wife and she supported my decision to leave my position.

I wonder if this was a good idea.  My wife says it was.  She says I am much funnier and happier than before.  But funny and happy don't pay the bills.

I found it very difficult to get re-employed.  I tried my hand at art, I really enjoyed it but quickly found this was not going to pay the bills.  I then got a part - time job at a fold -n- wash laundry service.  That was an eye opener.

Then in 2011 I think I hit a midlife crisis.  I started blowing through my retirement.  I bought a sailboat thinking I was going to be a party boat captain.  Never mind I live in central Texas where the drought has all but dried up any lake that I would have worked.  Not to mention I really don't like being on the water.  Next to it yes, but on it in a boat, no.  God smiled on me and a freak wind stormed destroyed the boat.  I triple what the boat was purchased for.

I then spent 2012 and $35,000 launching a food trailer business.  This lasted one year.  I was able to sell the trailer for $7,000.  That's a net loss of $28,000.  The loss was probably much greater.

This led me into my next adventure in 2013 where I decided to go into the restaurant management scene with a couple of food trailer guys I met.  This has been rocky at best.  We are up to our eyeball is tax debt, can't pay the rent on the restaurant, and I am not sure if we are going to be able to cover payroll for our 10 employees next week.

I think I need help.  Not as in, "please send me money'' but as in emotional and spiritual help.  I can't seem to get my ship heading in the write direction.  Do you ever feel like you're just circling round and round?  I think that's where I am right now.

I've been out of the work force now for 3 years.  The longer I am out the harder I think it will be to reenter.  Plus I have the entrepreneur bug and can't imagine working for someone else.  But I think I am going to have to rethink that in the very near future.  Again I am scared. Really.

I am spending about $100 a month on a training class to launch a business online.  I believe the course to be good information and the teacher to be valid and true.  I have also found I really enjoy writing.  Which this would allow me to write and make a living.  I just don't know how much longer I can output $100 a month to continue the training.  That's the rub.

Well, thanks for reading! I'd love to get your feed back on what I have written above.  Am I an idiot for trying all these things? Am I irresponsible? I think I am one of the most responsible people around.  Especially when I sit, meet and talk with other business owners.

Well, thanks for reading...... that was a little honesty from me to you.
I look forward to hearing from you!

Tony.