A Little Honesty

Here's a little honesty.

 I feel like I am treading in old waters again.  Once again I find myself very under employed.  My latest business venture is not going as well as I hoped.   My pattern has been to spend money to launch a business idea, work really hard at getting it to work, and then when the experiment doesn't bear fruit switch tactics.

This generally means spending more money on a new idea.  I have been cycling this pattern for 3 year now.  I am on my third iteration of a business idea, each time investing what little money I have into the idea.  I am now cycling into a fourth business idea.  This is an online concept which is focused on assisting the 60+ age group reenter the work force.  This is my first business venture that is actually built around 'helping' someone else.  

But, I don't have the income to continue to pay for the training and technological part of getting this off the ground.  I am still heavily involved in my previous business venture which is time consuming and only paying about $900 a month.  My wife is covering almost all the bills now.  Especially our mortgage.

I am afraid I will dwindle away what little money I have left. A little honesty.   I am near 50 years old with zero that's $0.00 in savings.  Neither me, nor my wife have anything put away and I am scared.  Very scared.

I am beginning to think I am on my last hope.  If this new venture does not pan out I may be living on the streets. Although my wife says that will never happen.

You see up until 2010 I was the making good money.  At least relative to my living habits.  But, one day I just couldn't take the corporate rat race I was running.  I talked with my wife and she supported my decision to leave my position.

I wonder if this was a good idea.  My wife says it was.  She says I am much funnier and happier than before.  But funny and happy don't pay the bills.

I found it very difficult to get re-employed.  I tried my hand at art, I really enjoyed it but quickly found this was not going to pay the bills.  I then got a part - time job at a fold -n- wash laundry service.  That was an eye opener.

Then in 2011 I think I hit a midlife crisis.  I started blowing through my retirement.  I bought a sailboat thinking I was going to be a party boat captain.  Never mind I live in central Texas where the drought has all but dried up any lake that I would have worked.  Not to mention I really don't like being on the water.  Next to it yes, but on it in a boat, no.  God smiled on me and a freak wind stormed destroyed the boat.  I triple what the boat was purchased for.

I then spent 2012 and $35,000 launching a food trailer business.  This lasted one year.  I was able to sell the trailer for $7,000.  That's a net loss of $28,000.  The loss was probably much greater.

This led me into my next adventure in 2013 where I decided to go into the restaurant management scene with a couple of food trailer guys I met.  This has been rocky at best.  We are up to our eyeball is tax debt, can't pay the rent on the restaurant, and I am not sure if we are going to be able to cover payroll for our 10 employees next week.

I think I need help.  Not as in, "please send me money'' but as in emotional and spiritual help.  I can't seem to get my ship heading in the write direction.  Do you ever feel like you're just circling round and round?  I think that's where I am right now.

I've been out of the work force now for 3 years.  The longer I am out the harder I think it will be to reenter.  Plus I have the entrepreneur bug and can't imagine working for someone else.  But I think I am going to have to rethink that in the very near future.  Again I am scared. Really.

I am spending about $100 a month on a training class to launch a business online.  I believe the course to be good information and the teacher to be valid and true.  I have also found I really enjoy writing.  Which this would allow me to write and make a living.  I just don't know how much longer I can output $100 a month to continue the training.  That's the rub.

Well, thanks for reading! I'd love to get your feed back on what I have written above.  Am I an idiot for trying all these things? Am I irresponsible? I think I am one of the most responsible people around.  Especially when I sit, meet and talk with other business owners.

Well, thanks for reading...... that was a little honesty from me to you.
I look forward to hearing from you!

Tony.

Witch Craft, VooDoo and Smoking

Witch Craft, VooDoo, and Smoking

Creating a habit can take as little as 30 days. Breaking a habit can take a life time. But sometimes we don't have a life time.  So lets get this one on the table.  Smoking.  Yep, its the big one.  Now, if you never smoked then this post may not resonate with you. But please feel free to follow along.

I learned to smoke as a task driven habit.  During college I took classes that were made up of doing a task with a class mate then analyzing the results.  My project-mate was a smoker.  I was not.  At the end of each assigned task we would step outside so my class mate could smoke a cigarette.  It was a reward system for him.  He would offer I would decline.  One day he offered and I gave it try.  After short time my class mate suggested I start buying my own cigarettes. I was hooked.  Addicted.

The chemical in tobacco, nicotine, is more addicting than heroine.  Really! Look it up if you don't believe me.  It is faster acting, hits harder, the effects are short lived (making you want more sooner) and the psychological and physical addiction is devastating.  If you smoke you know when you want, when you NEED a cigarette.  You smoke when you drink, when you talk on the phone, after you eat, before you eat, after a movie, or any event of a length of time.  You get so addicted you panic when you run out.  You arrange your day and your finances so you are in constant possession of your cigarettes.

I smoked for well over two decades. I was addicted. Hooked.  I smoked exactly a pack every 24 hours. I smoked the some of the most potent and strong cigarettes on the market.  I coughed and I wheezed but I kept smoking.  Addiction blinds you to the truth.  All addiction does. It alters reality.  I can't count the times I was told I smelled of smoke, people didn't want to be in the same room with me.  I wore suits and the material held in the odor.  My closet stunk of the odor.  But I was blind to it.  I was addicted.

I wanted to quit.  But there was always a reason for not quitting. I tried cold turkey, the slow method, the weaning method but it never worked.  As soon as a stress level or a good wine, or a good dinner came my way I was smoking again. My mind was not right for quitting.  The key to getting the mind right is in the word 'quitting.'  A smoker will always use the word 'give up.'  I want to give up smoking.  It's so hard to give up the habit.  Those two words are what locks your addiction.  You are convinced that you are giving something up.  And you know the the pain, both physical and mental that comes along with giving up smoking.  That's the first thing I had to get my head wrapped around was the concept that I was NOT GIVING UP anything.  Because you can only give up what you have gained.  THERE IS NO GAIN IN SMOKING.  What am I gaining?  A hacking cough, a persistent wheeze in my breathing, bad breath, foul smelling clothes? These are not gains so I am not giving up.  I am quitting.

Period. Quitting smoking. Convince yourself of that one very important aspect and you have begun to reverse the mental programming of the addiction.  There was no witch craft or Voodoo in my quitting but there was an unorthodox method.  First I read a book titles, "Quitting, the Easy Way." It's by a British author and it's powerful. Second, I went to a hypnotherapist who reinforced the ideas of the book.  I can hear what your saying now! A mind quack? A brain probe! No,way.  I was skeptical too.
Very skeptical.  But there is a point in a smokers path where it's time to try the unorthodox.  I did over  three years ago and I have no urge, no desire, and little memory of smoking.  Honestly, I cannot remember the triggers to my smoking.  Once in the past three years have I even thought about smoking.  And I have had some of the greatest stresses in my life in the past three years.  These types of stresses would have had me smoking in a second.  But not today.  "Quitting the Easy Way" and a little mind sweep worked for me.  It may be worth a try for you too.

Happy (soon to be) Valentines Day.  To all the lovely ladies.

Justice An Occasion of 500 Words

Sometimes, as a writer we have nothing to write.  I just finished a 13 hour day at my 'day' job. Now, I sit down exhausted, tired muscles, sore feet.  I know that if I show up to write the muse will take over for me.
She will make sure I get my writing exercise completed.  I am involved in a challenge to write 500 words a day. They do not have to be perfect, or awe-inspiring.  They simply need to be words.
Sometimes I get entire flushed out articles written as a part of the challenge; sometimes I don't.

 +Jeff Goins suggested we write about justice today.  He is the sponsor of the 'My 500 Words' challenge.  I would need to do a little research on Martin Luther King Jr. or Gandhi or Nelson Mandela to truly get a good launch on that subject.  And in all honesty I don't think I have the energy to get behind a post about justice. But I do have my trusty thesaurus here with me.  I keep it on my writing desk for just such an occasion. 

Justice is a sense of fair play, equity, what is right, what is honest or what has a morale.  Justice is one of those big idea words.  When we feel we are not being treated fairly or honestly we get upset, angry, and sometime vengeful. We feel slighted.  We feel as if we have not received our due.  But who is to  measure what we should receive as just?  Two stories come to mind.

Justice a Piece of Cake

A mother has two children close in age a girl and a boy.  They are always fighting over possessions.  If the girl has a doll the boy will want it.  If the boy has a football the girl will want it.  If the boy concedes the possession to the girl the girl will immediately become upset when the boy chooses another possession. 

One day the mom makes a cake.  She knows if she cuts the cake the children will fight over who get which piece. Mom decides to let the children be the measure of justice.  One child is allowed to cut the cake but the second child will be allowed to choose the first piece.  Mom has  allowed one child to be the measure of justice.  One child will be in charge of what is fair and the second child will be partake in the fairness of the offer.  The child who cuts the cake is being taught a genuine lesson in fairness and equity.  

Justice A Child Cut in Two

There is much debate on a this story about a king named Solomon who was considered quite wise and just.  I will recount the story with only the aide of my waning memory.  Two women who were prostitutes came before Solomon fighting over a child.  The two women had a child within days of each other.  One child died and was swapped with the living child.  This occurrence brought the two women before the king to get justice.  There were no witnesses to the incident and neither woman would concede to the other.  The measure of justice was up to King Solomon.  Solomon decided the way to administer justice what to cut the child in two and give a half to each woman. Now that's justice!  The first woman begged that Solomon not cut the child in half and give the living child to the other woman.  The second woman agreed that the child should be cut in half and each be given the (obviously) dead half of the child. Solomon immediately knew that the first woman was the true mother as she pleaded for the life of the child.  

I don't know if that is a story about justice or wisdom.  Maybe it is about both. Maybe, just maybe it is teaches us that it is difficult to have one without the other. 

So there is the 500 words.  I sat down with nothing to write about.  But I showed up.  My muse came along with the help of a prompt from +Jeff Goins and  a little story about justice was created. An occasion of 500 words about nothing or was it about justice? 

You be the judge!

Thanks for reading.

Create - The One Word of the Year

I recently wrote about creativity and the importance of finding ourselves in a creative moment.  I write from a perspective of the late 40's in age.  I don't want to exclude any audience from my writings but I want you, the reader, to know my perspective.

Hopefully we can connect regardless of age or economic situation.

I am 47 and 'somewhat' employed.  I am on my second round of owning a business.  The first was a learning experience in going it alone.  Now I am working with partners on a similar venture.  Both are within the food industry.  I am a general partner in a small BBQ restaurant located in Texas.  Who would of thought someone in Texas would want to eat BBQ.

I write about my first venture and much about my getting to this point in life in this article.  If you want to know how to blow $75,000 in a few months then the above article is a must read.

But back to creativity.  I have chosen the word Create as a focus word for 2014.  I have found a website that has been around since 2009 whose goal is to encourage and keep people accountable who are focused on a single word.   It is an excellent idea and I encourage anyone to check out the website here.

 Being creative has been apart of my life since I was six years old.  My mom tells a story about how I would point at a guitar before I knew the word.  At age six I started to learn the guitar.  In high school I studied the art of singing and continued into early college.  I then learned about the art of recording music, working on albums of some famous and not-so-famous artists.  Late in life I began to draw and paint. I received an amazing amount of support from my family and a few friends.

The only problem I kept having with being creative was paying the bills.  I worked for years in mid-management corporate America.  I became used to bringing the paycheck and paying the bills. I left the career and landed a job in a laundromat.  I worked at the cash register and did the wash and fold service.  I was immersed in a world I had not seen since college.  It was very strange.  I took the job on the premise I would have time to sketch and hone my skill.  I spent all my time washing and drying other people's dirty clothes. It was an amazing learning experience about the human nature.  I will write about that chapter in my life some other time.

So to Create is my continual theme. Now I will write.   I would say I will try to write but I am writing.  I have been writing for some time now.  I have even been paid to write.  Does that make me a professional writer.  I was paid for my drawings and paintings. Does that make me a professional artist?  I honestly don't know the answer to the question.  .

I am just here wanting to connect with an audience.  I want to know that you are there or here; that you are with me.  Maybe you are few steps ahead on the path of create. Maybe you are a few steps behind.  But I am guessing that we are on a similar path.  Are we? Are you?

If you find this post valuable. If it speaks to you in some capacity please let me know.  Leave a comment or follow me on Twitter.

I look forward to hearing from you soon. 

Thank you for your readership.  

 

Dennis Rodman in N. Korea, Monica Spear Killed, Lindsey Vonn No Olympics

2014 has begun in an odd and unexpected way my friends.

Dennis Rodman, the madman of basketball, has traveled to North Korea with an all-star basketball team to play for the ruthless dictator's birthday.  North Korean Dictator Kim Jong Un will receive a birthday present of famous ballers such as Kenny Anderson, Vin Baker and ex-Knick Charles D. Smith. This is the same Kim Jong Un who just recently had his uncle executed for political reasons.  Uncle Jang Song Thaek was executed and thrown into a cage of wild dogs that feasted on his body, so reports say.  Rodman and team will play on.

Then there was the shocking news of Miss Venezuela, Monica Spear and her ex-husband, found shot dead on the side of the road in what appeared to be an armed robbery in South America.  Spear ,29, was educated in Florida and was a famous soap opera star. Not a good start to a new year for her family and friends.

And then the news of USA gold medalist Lindsey Vonn who will not be participating in this years' Olympics. She was hoping to defend her gold medal in down hill skiing but a bad knee that requires surgery will keep her away.

These are the trending headlines for Jan. 07, 2014.  A scant 7 days into the year and we have some tough news on the horizon.

I didn't even touch on Falluja and the downfall of everything our American soldiers died for in Iraq.  The same cities we fought to secure are falling into the hands of anti-Iraq government militants. By some reports it was expected and warranted.  The USA protected the Sunni, while placing power in the Shiite hands.  Now those hands are turning hell fire missiles on the Sunni.  That's some tough politics.

2014 is only 7 days old and things are heading south in a hurry.

Blogger Means Business

I've been blogging for a while. I used the blogger.com platform years ago. I didn't realize the large numbers of readers associated with the site. I am starting a project on this site called Sticky Messages. Let's talk about current events the strange and the mundane. Join me, won't you?

What current event is sticky with you?